Breaking up when you have kids can be difficult. While you may not be able to function together as a couple, there may still be a desire to keep the family unit intact. Should you continue to stay together for the sake of the kids? Or would it be healthier if you broke up? This post explores the benefits and the potential harm of staying in a bad relationship just because you have kids.
Why do unhappy couples with kids stay together?
There are several reasons why unhappy couples with kids may choose to stay together:
- Fear of being alone: Being single again can be daunting. Staying together can provide companionship, even if there is no love there.
- Societal expectations: Despite single parenthood being very common, the two parent household is still glamourised by society, and many couples feel they will be judged negatively by friends and family for breaking up.
- Financial worries: Many parents fear that they won’t be able to financially survive alone. Breaking up often means making sacrifices like downsizing and having to give up luxuries.
- Desire to not hurt kids: No parent wants to hurt their kids. There is no easy way to tell kids their parents are breaking up, so many couples choose to remain together instead.
The potential benefits
Staying together for the sake of the kids may have some potential benefits. For one, it can provide a sense of stability – kids don’t have to get used to two different homes and can keep up a consistent routine.
You can also both continue to share responsibilities. This includes parental responsibilities, household chores and the costs of maintaining a family. This could reduce the stress of parenthood.
Staying together also means not having to negotiate when you can see your child – you can both continue to stay heavily involved in their life.
The potential harm
By staying together, you could potentially be raising your child in a toxic environment. Constant arguments and conflicts could lead to stress and anxiety for children. Alternatively, they may see it as normal behaviour and go into future relationships expecting it.
It could be particularly harmful to remain in a relationship that is abusive. Some partners find themselves being manipulated into staying with an abusive partner – which is never healthy for you or your kids. In this case, consider getting trusted domestic abuse support from Harper Macleod or another family law firm to work out how to proceed.
Ultimately, if you choose to stay together, your own freedom will be limited. You won’t be able to pursue other relationships and may grow to resent your partner more than if you had chosen to break up.
Should you stay together for the sake of the kids?
If neither of you has the desire to pursue another relationship and you can still live together amicably, staying together to co-parent could potentially be a good way to maintain stability for your child. However, if conflict is inevitable or you feel you are likely to want to pursue another relationship, breaking up and living apart is the healthiest decision for you and your kids. The latter solution tends to be the better option – how you negotiate the breakup will ultimately impact how your children are affected, with most parents being able to work together amicably while separated to continue providing a healthy upbringing for their kids.
